I think it best to start at the beginning, so I will be attacking Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. This movie is a classic; it starts off, as so many Disney movies do, with the princess living happily in the palace, singing and talking to birds. Now let's press pause for a second, the teenage girl was speaking to the birds as if they could understand, and at no point in time did any one find it to be the slightest bit odd, OK press play, the story goes on to tell that the princess Snow White--if we can consider that to be a name and not a description--had a step mother with some deeply rooted issues of her own.
I'm not going to give an entire recap of the movie, but let's just say that the jealous step mother wanted to kill Snow White, so she had to leave the palace. Now at the end of the day, I'm OK with taking a step down in society to keep your life, but Snow White, precious one, you could have at least fled to the next kingdom over. You decided to run into the woods when the sun was beginning to set. I just don't understand what you planed to do for the night, but of course it all worked out at the end because it was Disney.
So now we have a princess that has probably never been out of the palace, and she so happened to cry her self through the night. Snow White wakes up, talks to a few animals..... and then decides to break into someone's house. Now...I don't know about the rest of you out there reading but if some one was bold enough to build there house out in the middle of the wilderness then I don't think you want to be there when they get home (I'm just saying).
Moving on...the house that Snow White went in and helped herself to, happened to belong to the dwarfs or seven little freaks of nature. The only thing I had against the dwarfs was the fact that there names were nothing more than adverbs that described there personality's, but other than that I was OK with them.
The Dwarfs came home and found there beds occupied by a complete stranger. Now lets look at the situation someone has come in your house moving stuff around, cleaning, cooking and has the nerve to still be there when you get back, don't you think that's worthy of death by fire.
Snow White tells them her story and they agree to let her stay. Press pause again, when people break into your home you don't invite them to stay, in fact you insist that they leave before you call the police.
Skipping forward the queen turns herself into an ugly hag to get Snow White to eat an apple that she had enchanted to put her to sleep forever. Now there are two problems here, first of which being the fact that you decided to try and put her to sleep instead of killing her ass. I mean if you really want her gone come on now, and then there is the fact that you are trying to kill someone on the pure fact that they look better than you. Death is not necessary, cast a spell to turn her ugly, it's not like she was the one begging to look better than you.
Well now we have made it to the end of the movie and there is this whole spill about true loves first kiss. I, while being a big fan of romance, happen to think that kids shouldn't get this false sense of bullshit this early on in age. tell these kids the truth if someone kills you, you're dead and that's all she wrote there is no ifs, ands, or buts, no prince is going to come and kiss the death away and if he does there is something wrong with him because this girl has been declared dead what kind of freak would kiss a dead girl. UGH!
To bring it all together, Snow White is an idiot. The step mother is a jealous bitch, the dwarfs were GOD's little punch lines (Dopey), and the prince liked sleeping with dead teenage girls. It was just a screwed up mess from the pits of the Disney vault.
I LOVE IT!!!!
ReplyDelete